I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
