Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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