Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
