Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
