Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
