Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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