the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't deserve a penis
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
