I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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