she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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