Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize