This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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