is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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