Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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