we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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