wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
