You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
