i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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