I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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