I accidentally had phone sex last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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