this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
