plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you never un-have a 4some
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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