i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
