ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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