you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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