We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
