I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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