And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
