Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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