How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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