My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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