You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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