it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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