I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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