wakey wakey hands off snakey
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Randomize
