At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
