Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
