Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
