chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize