I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
