Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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