she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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