My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
