Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
