i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
