He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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