so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
