I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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