listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
