Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize