The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
