btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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