There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Randomize
