I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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