do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i now understand why vodka
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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