never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
