What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
