so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
