Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
