I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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