I CAN MOONWALK!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
