i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
