When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
