toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
