EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
