I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
