i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
