I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
