guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
