I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
