And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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