he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
