I cannot find my penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
