sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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