where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
