She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
